More important to retain atmosphere, say folks
Budget
flights between Ptuj's Puh Airport and London have been cancelled
due to air quality.
Budget
carrier Ruinair said it was no longer willing to fly into Puh after a
series of unusual weather incidents.
In
the most serious of these, 127 barbecue-style chicken wings and 320kg of Poli were removed from
one plane’s engines after landing. No
passengers were injured, although a member of the ground crew was later treated
for hyperactivity and mild stomach ache.
Ruinair
boss Mickey O’Loony said pilots had reported not being able to see out of
their cockpit windows while downwind of Ptuj.
“One
captain reported flying through a heavy cloud of dense brown vapour and a smell
of boiling offal leaking into the aircraft.
“The
engines stuttered to make something combustible out of the wet, meaty blur,”
he added.
But
the crew followed normal safety procedures and put on tight-fitting oxygen masks
until the plane could make it to a safe latitude, away from the chicken plant,
several hours late.
“I
would like to thank the crew of that aircraft for their courage and cool
determination, getting the plane to crawl through this sludge at air speeds as
low as 25 miles per hour,” he said, “but traditional or not, we can’t
afford to lose slots at Stansted because of Ptuj’s thick air.”
In
May last year a Ruinair 737 taking off from Puh became embedded in a
low-level cloud of brownish-grey jelly containing chicken beaks and feet.
Passengers
were again shocked but unharmed, and were helped down ladders by 592 local
firemen.
Air
traffic control public relations officer Duška
Glaser
admitted there had been some aviation problems involving airborne meats.
“However,
I and my family all enjoy a healthy chicken treat, and would not want to see
traditional local
air changed just to please foreigners,” she said.
Aircraft identification had been affected as anything flying through Ptuj airspace turns brown and sticky, then tends to become covered in feathers.
This
had resulted in several occasions where the slow-moving airliners were peppered
with shotgun pellets by local hunters. But
Ms Glaser refused to lay any blame on Ptuj’s economic priorities.
“We
think the problem is the jets,” she added.
“Ptuj air is not meant for use in modern jet engines.
“Its purpose, rather, is to dilute the effluents of a particular
business interest in that town.
“Propeller-driven
aircraft are more reliable in high-protein flight environments and we offer a
warm, fetid welcome to Ptuj visitors landing into Puh in these.”
“Planes spoil the air anyway and do not even produce food,” added an emotional Ms Glaser.