GET RID OF THIS
love Ptuj and most of its people, but that stink is going to stop. So this is my rescue plan.
Over the last three years I have
been shellshocked to discover that down in Slovenia
they still believe in being decent to people.
of them have got this decency and truth mixed up with primitive beliefs in life
after death and an all-powerful celestial creator, but superstition is
everywhere. In the UK we have horse-racing and a big lottery.
I'm all in favour of good deeds. I just don't think the pedo
pedlars of moralistic medicine
ought to have a monopoly on doing good for the world.
don't pour down nasty smells on their neighbours.
are honest and tell the truth.
using all the advanced keyword analysis and search engine optimisation techniques
you would find in a professional tourism site, warns people in an honest,
truthful way about .
As this site
becomes cross-referenced by other sites, news of the chicken factory's un-neighbourly behaviour will be found ,
which for the benefit of daft old winos is a new type of big
book where you can go and read about everything.
potential tourists, home-buyers, investors and others with an interest
in Slovenia will probably not come to Ptuj and therefore .
Slovenia will which the rich
foreigners, who all study things on this new-fangled Internet thing, would have
spent. Everyone will be and I'm
sorry about that.
seize upon the news.
way to prevent this is to .
they are daft old winos they'll try everything else.
chicken factory PR people will say that controls have improved on the past and
that there will be an improvement in the future.
It will go on smelling now.
nuts will say that the smell is God's gift, or punishment, depending on their
will see it as existential angst.
Rational-sounding politicians will
appear on the Chicken Channel to argue that without the money from tourism there can be no
environmental quality improvement.
they will be just trying to brown-nose their industrial sponsors.
without the improvement there should be no tourism.
surely good Christian people wouldn't try to trick their guests in that way,
If I said you had to inhale chicken
rejectamenta for some reason or other, what would you think of me?
The people of Ptuj
who breathe volatile organic
compounds 365 days a year have priority over visitors who just sample the baroque atmosphere for a day or two.
Other kinds of
politicians on the chicken gravy train will declare that foreigners have no right to tell the truth about
Ptuj's smell and that the chicken factory is wonderful. Some bright boys
will hit on the idea of saying that we don't want foreign visitors anyway.
That will be very
popular with the myopic racist idiots who form the majority of any population, I'm sure.
And I agree! Go away, rich foreign tourists!
me, readers, they'll try everything to keep the smell going. Emotion, not
science, is their chief weapon.
dear tourists and investors, you are unfortunately advised not to come to Ptuj.
all, who would want to live, work or holiday next to a leaky rendering plant?*
Will it be
worth going without the foreigners' money to prove the point that Slovenia and
its smells will not be pushed around?
Perhaps the smell
will hit back. Slovenian policemen acting on the authority of a Slovenian
judge might find a Slovenian law preventing attacks on Slovenia's smells and steal my computer.
Once again, The website will simply reappear somewhere
That, I can
assure you, is simply a question of money and if that means 10 cents on the cost
of a chicken then I think even the Serbian customers can cope.
essence of the plan for a smell-free Ptuj will now be presented in the form of a
When the smell restarts
the website will of course come back again, and the tourist and investor numbers will once
more start to drop.
See how easy that
will continue until there is a .
I'm sorry if you
go bankrupt or your children starve while we're waiting for this to happen.
I hope you
understand that these things are necessary for the greater good, in the long run.
Now kindly .
Please note that in Phase I only English-reading tourists will be
affected. German tourists will continue
However if you are generally in favour of not destroying the atmosphere and know
some other languages please let me know!